The old ball and chain

Picture this.  You are in the company of adults.  You are sipping drinks and enjoying a meal.  Your companions might include your husband’s work colleagues.  Maybe they are relatives.  Or perhaps it’s a couple you’ve known for some time.


So did you manage to catch the early train after drinks the other night?


“Uh-oh!  Look out, now you’re in trouble!”


This happened to me no less than four times on a recent night out.  I was about ready to ask for a doggy bag and go sit on a park bench somewhere.  It’s true, I don’t get out much.  I might have two small children but they don’t define me and I am more than able to discuss marriage equality, subprime loan scams, the football results or whether Mad Men was robbed at the Emmys so please don’t reduce me to the ball and chain bullshit.

I actively encourage my husband to go out.  It means I can order Thai food and drink as much red wine as I like while I cuddle the remote control without getting sex nagged.  It is the perfect night in.

The issue I have with these comments is that nine times out of ten it does result in an argument because I start wondering whether my husband has insinuated that I am indeed a ball and chain.  Is he using me as an excuse not to go out?

There are approximately 2,187,838,153 females on earth aged between 15 and 64.  Ignoring the fact that many of these women face persecution, violence and oppression on a daily basis I do sometimes wonder just how many are putting up with this crap.  “Sorry Akeem but I cannot go out for drinks tonight, I have to put in some quality time at home”  AKEEM, HE IS LYING!

Am I the only one this happens to?  Does it irritate you too?



  1. says

    Oh yeah this pisses me off too. I hate being though of as the fun police. Thankfully this is not something that is ever said in front of me … maybe because people know I will get riled up.

    The most ironic thing is my husband often uses me as an excuse to not go out – when it is HIM that doesn’t want to go out. But it’s easier to pin it on the ball and chain than it is to say “mate, I don’t feel like it”.

  2. says

    Yes, there is a certain freedom to having the house to one’s self at night. During the day, when the children are being life-like, no, but at night when they are fast asleep and the TV is my oyster? Oh, yes.

    But hang on, you know about subprime loan scams?

  3. says

    A work colleague of mine once told me my husband was pussy whipped. Those were her exact words to me. I was beyond pissed off.

    I do not care when he goes away for whole weekends at a time. In fact I love a bit of time with the bed all to myself. No snoring. I wish he would go more.
    He goes out. I do not care.


  4. Kim | Melbourne Mum says

    No, happens to me, too. ALL THE TIME. But I’m more concerned that you think Mad Men was robbed by Homeland which would only be true if Homeland were an honourable thief. But you know my stance on Damian Lewis. Oh dear. Does that make sense? Clearly two glasses of Zibbibo is enough to make me incoherent. Apologies.

    • says

      I loved Homeland, I just thought last Mad Men season was a corker. There were a few decent contenders in there and Claire Danes was pretty brilliant I guess. Totally coherent ;)

  5. Carly says

    Oh yes I hear you! Our recent arguaments have centred around the fact that as I don’t give a damn what he does, why does he insist on responding to invitations with “let me check with Carly” or “I’ll see what Carly thinks”. I have the biggest beef with this issue, especially as living in a small expat community most of his friends are my work colleagues. He needs to man up and make decisions and stop putting me in this position. Ok, rant over, but at least I know I am not alone :)

  6. says

    My theory is that if he’s not home before Boyo’s bedtime then it doesn’t matter what time he gets home. Otherwise, he’d come in noisily in the middle of my program and tell me stories I know I’m going to hear twice tomorrow.

    I sometimes use him as an excuse not to go out!

    Boyo and I have Friday night movie and pizza dates and the Welshman goes out for beers with his mates. Often has to take his “team” out. I do not mind. I honestly don’t. If he comes home early, Boyo ignores me!

  7. Gin says

    I HATE those beer ads, where the friend has to come in and convince the wife she should let her man go out with his mates. Grrr.

  8. says

    My husband works in the car industry. All the functions he goes to are like this. I don’t care what he does. I encourage him to go out to them alone because it means I can put the kids to bed early and have a Bold & The Beautiful marathon with a bottle of wine.

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