The Cool Kids

Occasionally I find myself with a spare moment after a spin class and because I’m a good parent pining for her children who are housed in a glass box called a gym creche – I sit down and enjoy a coffee until it is exactly one minute until pick up.

While sipping on the second worst coffee in Melbourne, I’m sometimes drawn to the sound of chairs scraping along floors and excitable chatter.  If I turn my head and pretend to look out the window I can see that the noise is emanating from roughly six or seven familiar men and women aged between 55 and 65 – otherwise known as the “insert affluent suburb” club.

Whether the gang even know they have a name I’m not sure, but I’ve heard the term mentioned in hushed tones and sideway glances – they are the “cool kids” – or so they think.  Stories abound about their members.  One was spotted by another member in a Queensland resort.  They exchanged friendly banter but back at the gym all conversation ceased.  Not even a hello.

I’ve found this a common tactic of wannabe cool kids.  Without the support of their posse they are often left with no choice but to be a hospitable human being but back at the ranch it’s all “can you hold my sweaty gym towel while I pick up my bag?”  Maybe this is forgivable in a twelve year old girl but it doesn’t look so good on a grown woman.  Or man for that matter.

It’s all well and good to find your tribe but if your tribe’s making you act like an arsehole maybe it’s time to revoke your membership.

How to spot a wannabe cool kid

  • Their vocabulary does not include pleasantries such as “please” and “thank you”.
  •  They ignore eye contact, friendly greetings and tweets in a vain attempt at promoting the “exclusivity” of their gang
  • If they find themselves outside the familiar surroundings of their posse they can be uncharacteristically friendly.
  • If they make conversation they can often be caught looking around the room while you are talking.
  • They don’t realise how obvious and/or rude this is unless you ask whether they were taught manners as a small child.
  • Some can be equally frightening on their own and if you bump into them at a supermarket they may or may not tell you to hold two of their lettuces so they can pick up their basket.
  • They will not use pleasantries or eye contact.
  • You do as you’re told but not before walking off and wondering whether 50-something mean girls actually exist.


Do you know many “cool kids”?  Got any other tips for spotting them?



  1. Deb_BrightandPrecious says

    Oh yes, I know these kids well. I cringe. But then I think… maybe I was them too long ago? I don’t know… it’s an interesting social observation nonetheless.

    • says

      Even if you were Deb you’re certainly not now! I think we’ve all probably behaved in less than perfect ways but as long as we keep trying to do better :)

  2. Kimberley M says

    Sounds revolting. You’ve got to feel sorry for the cool kids actually. Fancy not being able to use the words “please” and “thank you”? Pleasantry dyslexia? But I am curious, where is the “worst” coffee in Melbourne?

  3. says

    Oh man yeah I know them. The ones who only acknowledge you once you have already been acknowledge by a respectable member of their gang or the ones who have to talk loudly about how good they are at this or that or how they have done this…. They sure are out there. x

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