Lie to me

Sometimes I find myself staring skyward at low-flying aeroplanes.  My wings feel clipped so instead I fantasize about ones that hold up cargo and a hostess named Sue.  She asks me if I’d like a soft blanket and an ice-cream at 3am.

I cast my eyes away from the lament in my heart but if it’s not the planes, it’s the towering tops of gum trees barely visible from a kitchen window, or a low-lit lamp in a dark, brooding pub – beckoning me with expensive Shiraz, a crackling fire and no place to be.

“You can’t think about those things” other parents say.  “Wait until they’re teenagers” they warn me.  Just lie to me.  I implore you.

I’m in a territorial dispute.  Stuck between leaving behind my former self and forging ahead to newer plains.  I call it second child syndrome.  Watch me while I wave goodbye to three hour hairdressing appointments and embrace crusted-weetbix couture.  It’s the new black.

I drove past that low-lit lamp.  Just kept on going.  I told myself there was no fireplace just lonely men propping up bars.  No children at home to beg them “please just sleep in my bed for one more minute” or talk to them about dragons.  I tell myself lies maybe.

Comments

  1. says

    I love this, the imagery in beautifully crafted words. I feel it too though maybe not as deeply as you have expressed. Its touched me deeply enough that I’ve read it a few times. Sometimes it is nice, if not necessary, to imagine it all different, even if just for a small snapshot in time, like a beam of sunlight breaking briefly through storm clouds. I take my rejuvenation and recharging however I can get it. Hope you find it too. xx

  2. says

    Oh I feel like that too sometimes. Husband and I like to play little reminiscing games every now and then to really tease ourselves – what did Sunday mornings used to be like? Do you remember being out till 5am? etc etc…Ahh the memories!

  3. Bachelormum says

    The fantasy is beautiful but the reality can be kinda lonely. Wheat-bix couture (v. nice phrase) is really a passing phase; blink and it will bye gone x

  4. says

    It gets better. I promise.
    Those places that beckon, you will return to them.
    And there will be the joy of the new as well, like going as a family to your first real concert (for us it was Gorillaz) or seeing the joy on your daughter’s face when you tell you you’re going to Mumford & Sons together.

    Beautiful writing by the way.

  5. Deb_BrightandPrecious says

    Carli, your economy of words is brilliant. SO amazing. Your sentiments I can relate to SO much. Creating a new life, redefining what this whole mother thing is. Living for YOU – it’s all so important. I hear you. xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title="" rel=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>