I am not an Incubator.

I remember being pregnant, munching down on yet another packet of red licorice, when I stumbled across research that linked eating licorice during pregnancy with behavioural problems in children.

That night, while snacking on my in-law’s home made salami (not a euphemism) I realised something. I am not a frikking incubator. I am not a machinery device designed to cook a baby at the exact right temperature and humidity.

salami

Today Can of Worms host and Sunday Life columnist, Chrissie Swan has confessed to secretly smoking while pregnant with child number three after being snapped by paparazzi. I can almost hear the drones coming.

We know that smoking causes damage. We know about the serious implications, but that doesn’t make it any less addictive. Nicotine is widely regarded as one of the most addictive substances there is. Some compassion wouldn’t go astray here.

Cutting-loose

For what it’s worth, I once ate an egg that was cracked, a salad from a takeaway joint, a sneaky piece of Brie cheese. I drank coffee. This one time I even ate an apple without washing it first!

I dyed my hair.  I had a spray tan. Twice. My heart rate went over 140 bpm while exercising. One time I drank a half a glass of red with a meal. Before you go telling me that I was irresponsible, I consulted an Obstetrician throughout my pregnancy because it is MY body. No one else’s.

Some of the more ridiculous snippets of advice I received when pregnant included:

* Do not stand up while riding a bike.

* Do not listen to loud music

* Avoid contact with reptiles.

* Do not eat junk food.

* Don’t drink tap water.

So pretty much just lock yourself up in a small padded room and rock back and forth….but gently. That’s not good for the baby either.

What is the most ridiculous bit of advice you’ve heard regarding pregnancy?