Dick’s BIG Package

Hi Dick

Me again.  You might remember me from our little Mother’s Day heart-to-heart.  The one where we discussed your confusion about quickies and penchant for sexual innuendo.  Well I’ve checked out your latest junk Dick – and frankly I’m a little concerned.

Now I’m no armchair psychologist Dick, but this is all a bit much and I can’t help feeling that you’re over-compensating for something?  It’s ok – you can come clean.  We all feel a little inadequate from time to time.  It’s perfectly normal to talk up these things it’s just that, well – not all of us want to grab your “big” package and then put our name on it.   This is neither a Beyonce song nor a poorly written erotic novel.  It’s electronics Dick and you’re making my brain hurt.

See I went to read about biting lips and low slung hips and I accidentally picked up your catalogue by mistake.  This has resulted in far less action at home and I’m beginning to question your intentions.

Maybe you’re trying to be edgy, get us talking – you want to be like the cool kids.  Employing Pauly from Pizza is not the answer.  Ignoring me on twitter is not the answer.

The time for honesty is now Dick.  I give you my word, I will still grab your packages – regardless of size – if you can stop talking about taking me places I’ve never been before.  All I wanted is a new TV.

 

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