Yesterday, while glancing at my toddler’s scraggly fingernails and unruly hair, I came across this piece published in The Sydney Morning Herald.
According to the article it is now de rigueur to introduce your children to “cool” haircuts and beauty regimes from as early as four years of age.
I don’t particularly care how celebrities choose to shamelessly self-promote themselves or spend their money but why subject the rest of us to this rubbish?
I’m calling bull-crap on the whole beauty regime thing. In fact, for the sake of keeping the commercial interests of the beauty industry off my kids back, I give them my rebuttal:
What beauty experts recommend and when:
Under six: DIY, using quality products.
Newsflash! DIY and toddlers do not mix. I once heard my son yell “I’m painting” from the nail polish stash in the bathroom and arrived to find my very own Pro Hart crime scene. If my children discover the difference between Banana Boat and Estee Lauder before turning six, what hope do I ever have in hiding the caviar cream going forward?!
Six to 10 years: Cuts at good hairdressers, regular visits to dentist. Home manicures and pedicures to teach how to keep nails filed and clean. Sunscreen.
My son believes hairdressers are sent from Satan’s lair to inflict pain and torture upon his head. Why would I want to embarrass myself at an expensive salon that I might like to return to one day? Also, nails are kept clean via soapy water and cutting them sometimes involves laying my entire body across a small human in order to keep them still.
Eleven to 14: Introduce daily skin care - cleanser, moisturiser and sunscreen. Waxing, where appropriate. The occasional professional manicure and, if there are skin problems, facials.
Is waxing an eleven year old ever going to be appropriate?
Over 14: Regular brow shaping and, perhaps, brow and lash tinting. Consider massage for stress relief. Makeup application lessons.
After attempting to keep up with such a ridiculous regime why yes I will consider a massage for stress relief, thank you.
All ages: Think natural enhancement, never painted princess.
All ages: Think puppy dog’s tails and flying kites. Reading books and holidays in the sun. Look after your skin but be nice to each other. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.
Have you read the article? Am I being an old fuddy-duddy?