Dear Dick Smith

You might remember me from such classics as “the time I bought a printer cartridge because I was too desperate to wait for online delivery” and “‘W’ is for Who buys a heated neck massager?”

Well we need to talk about your Mother’s Day catalogue Dick.  More specifically, we need to talk about Dick, Dick.

Overlooking the fact you and I have vastly differing views on what constitutes a quicky, when did you decide that Mother’s Day was the perfect day to try out double entendres?

For those of us with small children, running on zero sleep, dick doesn’t factor much into our perfect mother’s day (neither does a digital photo frame).  I know it’s just a little joke.  I get it.  Usually I’d snigger; think it was a little naff and laugh anyway.  But after flicking through the entire catalogue Dick, I’m afraid that, quite frankly, it blows.

A yummy mummy camera that’s “slim, stylish and sexy”.  A camera for mums who have “more artistic flair than the average mum”.  A camera that will give “the big boys from Hollywood a run for their money”.  Dick the 50′s called, they want their copywriter back.  Remember The Hurt Locker?  Won a few Oscars, had a female director?  No?  Didn’t think so.

According to your catalogue, I’m a “Diva” because I choose a particular model of Nikon.  Please Dick, what is the male equivalent of Diva?  And, more importantly, what do you call it on Father’s Day?  Discerning?  Semi-pro?  Accomplished?

I’ve scratched my poor average mum head, trying to decipher where my artistic flair went and who the catalogue is catering to.  I wondered if perhaps it’s not designed to be read by mothers.  Maybe it’s for the middle-aged or child-free buying for their 60-something Mothers.

Now I don’t know about you, but my sneaky 65 year old mother is always trying to steal my wireless modem, or pinching that 8GB USB when I’m not looking because guess what?  She’s just too silly to buy her own.

Or maybe this is directed at mums like me.  Mums who are more than capable of sourcing our own accessories and certainly don’t need to pay a “clever dick” $98 to plug a TV in for us.   Mums who can connect a media device with our eyes closed while we prise fluff from a baby’s mouth.

Whoever your intended target audience Dick, I’m afraid this time you’re off the mark.  And we know who sucks at mother’s day catalogues.  Dick does.