In decades past the below excerpt from a 1950′s home-economics textbook was nothing to sneer at. These days modern-day women are too busy running businesses from home, chasing after multiple children or juggling successful careers to be too concerned with being interesting, tying ribbons in their hair or removing that crusty bit of Weetbix off their lapel. Heck, those of us with kids can often be heard proclaiming in sheer exhaustion “I NEVER SIGNED UP TO BE A MAID!!”
Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so that you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
With spoons and forks getting together for a cutlery party on the kitchen sink, a bottomless laundry basket, toys scattered around the house and a three year old with a highly refined palate, it’s entirely possibly the following words might materialise from your spouse’s mouth – “So, what did you do today?”
If you’ve had it with cleaning and want more time to indulge in social media, online retail therapy or perhaps a little lie-down here are my tips for fake-cleaning your house:
- Dust busting your entire house is totally acceptable.
- Some people suggest spraying your living room with air-freshener before guests arrive. If you really want to make a fake cleaning impression a few sprays of Exit Mould ought to do the trick.
- Throw the entire contents of the laundry basket inside the washing machine. Close the lid. It never existed.
- Wipes. Two for the baby and one to wipe down dust, fingerprints, remove stains from clothes, carpets or rugs (maybe don’t try that on your Akira Isogawa).
- Drag your vacuum cleaner into the living room. Leave it there.
- Large clear containers on wheels are great for storing children’s toys under beds. If you have children that can pack them away, great. Unfortunately, if they’re anything like mine they will just stand inside the box and mock you.
- My husband will happily stroke the hair on my head but the minute it falls to the ground he views it like a plague of locusts. If yours also suffers from this affliction sweeping the visible ones under the cabinets with your foot might be necessary, but do not, I repeat DO NOT, remove the clump from the shower plug hole. Worst. domestic. chore. ever.
Do you have any more tips for fake cleaning your house? Share them here and lets avoid the housework together 
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